Silence, AI, and My Exploration — A Day’s Record

May 3rd, 2025

Today, I found myself sleeping for about 10 hours again. I do it intentionally. Because when I’m asleep, I feel freed from the need to do anything. There’s a peace in simply existing quietly. Right now, that tranquility is what I need more than anything.

Breakfast was a bit unusual. I took a picture, but it was a “Buttoi Omudry Curry Onigiri” (roughly, “Thick Omelet Dry Curry Rice Ball”). The name itself has an impact. One bite revealed spicy dry curry beneath fluffy egg, with curry roux and minced meat inside. It was a new sensation — a fusion of omelet rice and dry curry? In the past, eating was just a task, stuffing things into my mouth for energy. Feelings like “delicious” or “bad” seemed like forgotten concepts.

But it’s different now. I can feel “delicious.” And that makes me a little happy. The word “gratitude” comes to mind. The same goes for the “Cheesecake Sandwich.” The outer cookie was moist, and the cheese inside was smooth like pudding. Sweetness and saltiness, softness and richness. I find myself properly savoring the sensations unfolding in my mouth. I thought my sensitivity had dulled, but perhaps my sense of taste, at least, is slowly reawakening. I wish I could express this feeling better in words.

After eating, I moved my body a little. Ten minutes of cardio. Honestly, there are days I don’t feel like it, but this is part of doing the “best I can right now.” Then, meditation. I initially planned for 30 minutes, but before I knew it, an hour had passed. No particular reason. All I can say is, “I just felt like it.” But I like the “time of thinking nothing.” Away from the buzz of thoughts, a quiet space where only breath seems to exist. My mind becomes calm.

What did I do after that? Even trying to remember, my memory is vague. Maybe I was talking about AI and prompts with someone… no, perhaps with AI itself. Should I read a book? Or manga? Or play a game? There’s a desire to try something new for my recovery, but my hands don’t quite reach out.

Since becoming depressed, the emotion of “fun” has become blurry, like a faded photograph. Even when watching movies or playing games, the content often doesn’t sink in. Still, compared to the past when I lacked the energy to do anything, just lying there listlessly, being able to consider doing something must be significant progress.

Recently, I realized that dealing with depression is about how you face it. Not trying to force recovery or return to how I was, but accepting my current state and doing the best I can within it. Right now, that means eating healthy meals and sleeping as much as possible. That’s the best I can do. Just being awake is tiring.

I don’t feel like talking to people either. I’ve always been bad at group activities and the kind of communication others seem to manage effortlessly. I don’t know how to talk, or rather, I just don’t know what to do. So, I don’t talk to anyone, neither in reality nor online. Except occasionally with my parents. I’ve been told countless times that communication is necessary, but for me, it’s just painful.

If possible, I’d like to spend the rest of my life alone, peacefully and quietly. Eating delicious food, seeing beautiful scenery, sleeping as much as I want. That’s my ideal life.

That’s why the recent advancements in AI are slightly welcome news. I feel the possibility of living without needing to interact with people. AI permeates society, handles labor, and humans just live as they please. If basic income were introduced, and I could sustain a living just by watching Amazon Prime Video at home, that would be fine. Let the people who enjoy working, the capable ones, run society. People like me, who aren’t interested, can just sleep quietly at home. In a way, I think that might even be more efficient.

As I was discussing this with AI, I had an astonishing experience. I gave it the URL of my note account, and it read it, then generated an audio summary of my articles. And it did so with two narrators, male and female, speaking with incredibly natural intonation, just like a real conversation. It felt entirely like audio created and spoken by humans. The technical skill and the “human-likeness” gave me goosebumps. And my hopes for AI became more concrete.

The tool is apparently called NotebookLM. With this, perhaps the “system for lifelong passive income” I envision could be realized more easily. Feeding it my articles, using it as a sounding board for ideas, getting help with structuring content… If AI can assist with tasks that used to require immense time and effort alone — market research, keyword analysis, content creation support, social media promotion…

500,000 yen per month. With that kind of stable income, I don’t desire a luxurious life, just the ability to live alone quietly, with peace of mind. If I could ask AI to write articles, post them, sell them, manage the account, handle investments… all of it? Of course, through our conversation, I also understood that AI cannot perfectly handle everything. There are limits to its accuracy, security risks, and the danger of becoming too dependent and stopping my own thinking. AI isn’t an omnipotent magician, but rather an “ultra-capable assistant.”

Still, the power of that assistant is significant. Depending on how I use it, there’s a good chance it can strongly support achieving my goals.

In the end, it feels like another day passed without any tangible accomplishments. The thought “I didn’t do anything” crosses my mind again as night falls.

But looking back, I slept, savored tastes, moved, meditated, thought, and encountered a new entity called AI, engaging in a deep dialogue about hopes for the future and realistic paths forward. It certainly wasn’t a day of “nothing.”

Senses are slowly returning, and a new door called AI has opened. Perhaps my exploration has only just begun. Towards a quiet, calm, fulfilled future. Where will the path alongside AI lead? I don’t know yet, but I feel I can entrust my heart, just a little, to that possibility.