What Choosing Not to Work Taught Me

“Not working.” What feelings does this phrase stir within you? Escapism from society, laziness, irresponsibility… I suspect many associate it with such negative images. I used to be the same. I firmly believed that if I wasn’t working, I had no value.

As a perfectionist, I constantly pushed myself too hard, trying to live up to society’s expectations. Consumed by grades and work achievements, I kept pushing beyond my limits until, eventually, I burned out — mind and body — and fell into depression. It felt as though my life had abruptly plunged into darkness.

It was during those difficult days that I came to a realization: choosing not to work wasn’t about escaping — it was about rescuing myself.

Through countless sleepless nights, staring blankly as the sun rose, a thought gently drifted into my mind one day: “Maybe… maybe I don’t have to push myself so hard anymore.” This wasn’t born from despair or resignation, but felt like a soft, calming sense of liberation.

Having embraced time away from work, I finally had the breathing room to truly tend to my mind and body. Waking up, practicing yoga at a gentle pace, mindfully preparing meals, reading books I enjoyed. These seem like small things, yet I discovered that this simple daily rhythm was brimming with the actual joy of living.

By letting go of the need for “perfection,” I was able to accept myself, truly, for the first time. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be slow. Just living authentically as me is enough. The moment I granted myself this permission, this forgiveness, I felt a sense of freedom I’d never known before.

As I gradually started writing about these experiences on Note [or simply “online”], something wonderful began to happen. Messages started coming in from others facing similar struggles: “Your posts have been a lifeline,” “Reading your words made my heart feel lighter.” Realizing that my own journey could help others gave me a profound, new sense of purpose.

Currently, I am compiling these experiences, aiming to self-publish them on Kindle. Part of this is to cultivate a small, sustainable resource to gently support my life. But equally important is my deep desire to leave something behind — something that might reach the hearts of others navigating similar feelings of ‘ikidzurasa’ (the Japanese concept of finding life difficult or hard to live).

Choosing not to work isn’t inherently wrong. Being perfect isn’t necessary. Living peacefully, authentically, as yourself — I now strongly believe that is what matters most.

If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of ‘ikidzurasa’ — that pervasive difficulty in just being — perhaps take a small pause. Could you try, even just for a moment, to cherish yourself?

Because ultimately, this life isn’t meant to be lived solely for others. It belongs to you.

#Mindfulness #WorkLifeBalance #Vulnerability #Writing